11/13/2024

For the past two weeks, work has been piling up in an overwhelming way, and I’ve really been struggling to get through it. My dopamine system feels completely off, and I’ve been unmotivated to accomplish anything. I think the combination of the early sunsets and a few weekends of back-to-back partying has really taken its toll on me. Lately, I’ve found myself doomscrolling just to feel something, stuck in a cycle of lying around.

A few days ago, I decided to revisit some apps I used in university to help me focus—and that’s when I realized how bad it had gotten. One of those apps, Forest, blocks all other apps on my phone for a set period of time while the Turkey Blocker extension does the same for my PC.

But when I turned both of these tools on and stared at my Google Doc, I caught myself compulsively reaching for my phone or trying to play chess on my computer. The feeling was unsettling, to say the least. I never realized how much I relied on these distractions to soothe myself. I also noticed that I always had an audiobook or podcast on—whether I was washing dishes, driving, or doing any menial task. There was probably never a moment in my day when I was truly alone with my thoughts.

Since realizing this, I’ve been more conscious of my tendency to reach for my phone or jump into a mindless game of bullet chess. I’ve started waking up and doing a few pushups outside in the sunlight before checking my phone. I’ve been trying to get outside more, especially for hikes or walks when the sun is out (which reminds me—I need to restock on Vitamin D supplements before winter). I’m working on being more present, trying to stay still and focus on the moment instead of constantly consuming random bits of information.
All this to say, we need to be vigilant with what we give our attention! “Old George Orwell got it backward, Big Brother’s not watching; he’s singing and dancing. He’s pulling rabbits out of a hat. Big Brother’s busy holding your attention every moment you’re awake. He’s making sure you’re always distracted. He’s making sure you’re fully absorbed.”

-prabh